i should stop whining about my assignments and deadlines and tests and textbook revisions and studying etc etc, but i can't help it. sigh. i know for sure that if i were given the choice to pick my own course, i'll probably still be complaining about the workload anyway. hahah. hmm.
i think it's hard to think of someone as an adult when they stop picking on every little aspect of the things they need to do because they seem a bit inconvenient/tedious/annoying, but i think that's the hardest thing about being an adult. at least in my book.
i think you become an adult is when you learn to be the best damn shock absorber of an age group, when compared to the younger generations, ie. you have to deal with everything in the most patient and level-headed manner. this reminds me of one of the earliest poems i've ever been exposed to as a high school student:
rudyard kipling - if
IF you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, ' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch, if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
now, i won't get into any major analysis of the poem, nor will i comment on how slightly sexist it is, nor will i comment on how impossibly idealistic it is, nor will i comment on how painfully cynical the tone is... but i will say that this is, more or less, how i view man, as in (hu)man, to be, as they reach adulthood.
living, i think, is like a journey with no turning backs. and living in a world where errors can easily be fixed by CTRL+Z-ing/undo-ing, i feel a bit helpless whenever i think of how i can manage to live being an adult. i don't have any major regrets so far, but i'm worried, in the future, i might be regretting what i'm doing at present. because making mistakes as an adult is harder to forgive-and-forget than when you were younger. the pain hurts more, and lasts longer.
to be honest, i have really high expectations of adults. and to be even MORE honest, many 'adults' i know have failed to be 'true adults' in my book, because they don't exactly fit into that particular mould of mine - that is, the notion that adults, ultimately should feel & be responsible of all their actions and behavior and thus therefore should not be easily emotional and irrational.
i guess that's probably why i don't want to be an adult. because i know that if time comes for me to 'magically' turn into one, i'll fail miserably at it, and i 'm afraid i can't forgive myself for not being what i 'should' be.
it may feel bad to not become what other people coerce you to be, but it sucks so much more when you don't become what you envision yourself to be.
now, i don't mean to vex any adult who are enjoying their life comfortably, because it's awesome for people to be in that state. i guess i'm just tacitly whining that being 'socially an adult' (ie. age-wise) is wearing me down.
ok, i should shut up now.
/ramblings right before starting on TEAP 132 essay to be submitted tomorrow/
(no sleep tonight)
can't wait for the ipod nano i ordered to arrive *sigh* =(
not a new layout, only a new color scheme, and minor tweakings here and there.
i've been meaning to change the background and some bits since forever, but i never got around to it because i'm a lazy bum. but after being inspired by a friend using blackle, a google search engine which functions with a black background, i couldn't wait to change the colors in this blog.
why?
because sites with black backgrounds use less energy than those bright/white backgrounds.
“An all white web page uses about 74 watts to display, while an all black page uses only 59 watts.”
right. and other than that, it's also because i don't quite like staring at white backgrounds in the first place, to be honest. it straings my eyes >_o and black's a pretty cool color too, so why the heck not, yeah? ;P
and so, after having my weekly springcleaning, concocting a sad attempt at pseudo-chicken rice, completing the 6 interviews, losing an auction bid, being picked on by carlo for being female, being amazed by celine's puzzle-solving prowess, laughing at peachy's cute sounds, and being amused at croix's repetition of 'intense' as a reply for many sentences, and (finally) changing the lay a bit, i'm satisfied.
listening to roi soleil OST on infinite loop. well, until just now =P
am doing:
eating a nestum seem-a-like (doesn't taste all that bad, really)
writing a blog entry (a duh)
listening to all the songs i forgot to insert in my itunes before this :P
checking my email every half an hour
worrying that i will be outbid on trade me 0_o
should be doing:
interview another person for TEAP 132 assignment 2
start the essay on TEAP 132 assignment 2
study & revise for EDUC 112 test this thursday
huh. intriguing how the first two categories fails to comply with the last. XD
right now i have to hunt for another victim. miahaha.
i have no idea how to even attempt the TEAP 132 essay. stressing out is an understatement. huhu.
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yesterday we (meaning my 4 darlings & i) had dinner together, where shufaiha made spaghetti bolognese (substitute spaghetti with spiral-y pasta ^_^), iqa and jo made bergedil (potato mash+beef bits - covered with eggs - and fried), and che made pengat pisang (banana 'gravy' cooked with coconut milk and pandan leaves). i didn't make anything because i didn't know what to make actually. i was initially planning to make baked potatoes with minced beef+chilli+cheese for myself actually, because earlier in the evening we went to the halal butcher at newtown. (that would explain the use of meat in the main dishes ;) ). but since bergedil is potato&meat-based, kinda redundant ay? so i helped shufaiha cooked some of the pasta. i felt pretty guilty for not contributing -__________-
hmm, the baked potato idea... guess i'll do that later because i didn't buy the minced meat,... maybe i should try sub-ing it with the chicken sausage i bought? hmm.
maybe i'll experiment making it this friday. before i kill someone because of them if i try to make them for get-togethers. heheh. YAY FOR ASSIGNMENT/TEST-LESSNESS ON FRIDAY! ;D
i'm so addicted to the song 'je fais de toi mon essential' from the roi soleil (sun king - the louise XIV) musical. it should top the list of tracks for this week methinks. hmmmmm.
it's so so so so so so so good.
after watching the scene in the musical where the song is played, as per usual, i get emotional because it's a pretty sad scene, and so i'm feeling pretty sulky/sucky right now.
right. -_-
i so feel like watching a theatre play/musical right now. hmm.
"Have you ever wondered how a worldwide zombie outbreak during the Renaissance would sound like? Listen to The Rhymeweaver and wonder no more..."
- check out my hiphop-layperson review on the previous version of the album
(i'm still amused by the tagline)
azaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!!!
gotchor cd(s)!
=D
i've been waiting since friday because the parcel actually arrived then, but due to some timing problems i could only get it today. you have no idea how excited i was when i got it in my hands. one, because it feels uberly good when you get something via snailmail (heheh); and two, because i couldn't wait to hear it. =P
thanks mr rhymeweaver sir!
and so your tracks are safely in my itunes now. and on play mode. =D
as for the extra cd (thanks for it too, btw!), i'll see who i can victimise. mwahahaha ;) update @4.33pm : i gave the extra cd to iqa!! she's uber happy+excited when i said you gave 2 copies of the cd and says a lot of thanks for it! ^___^
to non-azam readers (hahah, what a way to address everyone else) please check out his blog if you're wondering who he is and what's all this parcel/cd talk about =)
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metaphorically and literally sick
i'm tired of constant assessments in the form of assignments, portfolios, tests, and coming pretty soon, exam. WAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH.
and i just discovered why i didn't feel like eating proper stuff lately; not proper stuff being chocolate bars, chocolate cereal, milo, rice porridge, and very little of anything else. it's because my wisdom teeth (note the plural form, meaning BOTH wisdom teeth) are being annoying by growing into my gums instead of normally protruding from it. it hurts to munch too much and it gets tiring to use only one side of the mouth to do it. -_-
and so life is PeRfEcT. =P
but (yes fortunately theres a 'but') thank God there's no major thing distress factor this week. the recent bane in my life would be the EDUC essay which i've sent in yesterday (woohoo!) of which i stayed up for more than 24 hours to process on. which caused me to be majorly unattentive during lit class. i have NO idea what crap i wrote in my lecture notes - full of unintelligible wiggles (pseudo-handwriting) that neither make sense nor make me happy. and so i skipped an extra lit tutorial class (and 11 of my classmates too, apparently) to run back home to sleep. and sleep i did for a few hours. and then my friends called me up to have dinner at iqa's place and equipped with a plate, a tupperware of potato-and-carrot-and-egg curry and a cup, i went. sigh. friends = good food = yum.
in case you were wondering (jokingly or not) i do not practice cannibalism. -_-
which makes me wonder, if '-isms' are supposed to be something that is anti the word attached to the '-ism', what do you call a person who is against the act of cannibalising people? cannibalismism? 0_o
o...k... totally offtrack there.
anyhoo, then shufaiha and i stayed to watch last week's episode of gossipgirl. all i can say is... *shakes fist at dan* *turns to mr charles bass*"CHUCK I WANT YOU" ;P
and suffice to say, i got insanely bored and headed to the common room to find beryl and her friend watching a monochrome version of grey's anatomy season 1. monochrome because the telly was being annoying. interestingly, it was still fun to watch, and the technicolorlessness makes it fun-ner to watch, contrary to my initial belief. hahah.
and so yes, i went back to my room at 3am+ after watching the entire season 1 of grey's anatomy.